Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "EGNightmare" journal:
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It's been a while! Looks like there aren't many people here lately.
I know I am clueless on women, but THAT clueless? Might need to activate hermit mode.
The cruelest thing to give guys like you,... is hope.|
That quote always reminds me of college. Me asking a woman out has always been a special sort of painful, like getting a million paper cuts and rubbing jalapeno slices on them painful. The first year or two I was foolish enough to have hope, which I found out later was the first step on the path to disappointment. So after a particularly unfruitful stretch, I noticed the Resident Advisors in our dorm were having a dorm seminar on dating in college. I showed up, and it was a lot of the usual 'stick to it, don't give up' tripe. Then they got to the "if you get turned down, it's not personal, so don't take it that way" mantra. At that point, I tried to quietly head back to my room, until they busted me out. They asked where I was heading. I told them I was going back to my room, I wanted to work on some school work. After the meeting I was confronted by the three advisors asking why I left. I told them our opinions weren't matching, and it seemed the better path to walk away than start an argument. They started telling me it was good advice. I told them they lost me at the "it's not a rejection of you as a person" part. They said it wasn't. I told them sometimes it might not be, but sometimes it certainly was. They asked for an example. I old them when you're asking a woman out and hear "not if you were the last man on Earth" It's hard not to take it personal. When you hear "oh God, I think he's trying to ask me out", or "don't do this, DON'T do this", or uncontrolled giggling with no real response, or a scream and seeing the terror in her eyes, or a door slamming in your face without an answer, or "I couldn't ever see myself with someone like you", it's a bit of a challenge not to take it personal. One of the advisors said "that doesn't happen" To which I responded, not only did all of those happen, all but one happened in this dorm, and that's not even counting the woman on your floor who literally took off running away from me because she was afraid I would ask her out, and who literally ran away every time I got near her until I left a note on her door promising not to ask her out. Then suddenly she could be around me again. I told them I appreciated what they were trying to do, and that there was a lot of good advice in there, it just didn't apply to monsters like me. I learned long ago that some monsters need to be left alone, it just works out better for everyone.
less than 72 hours until...|
Bullet For My Valentine
Should be a great concert!
In other news, I watched two cats last week, that was kind of fun. Very different personalities, and apparently almost completely backwards from what they usually are.
In other other news, apparently keeping to yourself at a bar is some kind of pick up technique I'm not aware of. I was sitting at the bar enjoying a frosty cold adult beverage when a woman walks up beside me and orders a drink. Not unusual, lots of people go to the bar and get drinks. As she's heading back to her girlfriends, she tells me to smile. I look at her, smile for a second, and turn back to my beer. She laughs and heads off. A while later, she comes back, tells me I'm not smiling, and sits next to me. She asks if I want to buy her a drink, so when the bartender walks buy I said "all the water she can drink tonight, put it on my tab". She laughed and asked me three or four more times for a drink. Finally, hoping she'd go away, I bought her one. Not sure what I was thinking because then she just stayed there and kept trying to flirt with me. She started talking about love, relationships, sex, and too much stuff. She said we should go back to my place. I told her that wasn't happening. She asked why, I told her she was in her early twenties, I am probably almost twenty years older than her. While a one night stand has an appeal, I'm old enough to know it's not something I want. She kept trying, showing more cleavage, rubbing against me. About that time the beer kicked in, I excused myself and headed to the men's room. When I came back, she was gone. I took my seat and on the other side of me was Rosio, a cross dresser. I've talked to her many times before, and she was watching the whole scene play out earlier. She tells me the woman who was hitting on me was talking to her while I was in the men's room, and saying she was going to leave with me. I told Rosio that wasn't happening. She told me "I'm sure she'll be back for you in a minute" Sure enough, she came back, this time rubbing against me, whispering in my ear that we should get out of here. I told her she's an attractive woman, there are any number of guys here you can leave with, but I'm not one of them. Then she kept trying to get me to buy her another drink. I said no. Then she started getting offended, asking if it was because she wasn't skinny. I told her we already covered this, it is because it's not what I'm interested in. Then it went to "is it because you're gay?", to which I responded "If I say yes will you look for a new candidate and let me finish my beer?" That got me a dirty look and a couple names I'd rather not repeat.
the Grocery store experiment: round 1|
I've been curious to try this for a while now. I had a conversation with some friends about the easiest ways to save on groceries. One is a coupon fanatic, one believes in all things Target, while I suggested Aldi for all the standard items and acknowledge the caveat that there are likely to be items I MUST go elsewhere to get. They told me I wasn't saving as much as I thought I was. It got me wondering enough to make the rounds. I went online, found a recipe that looked good for dinner and some lunches for the week. I got the ingredients list. I decided to make a double batch. Here are the items and results: (doubled already)
2-16 oz packages rotini pasta
4 TBSP Butter
2 LB chicken breasts (skinless, boneless)
2 8oz packages mushrooms
2 10 oz packages frozen peas (I used a 16 oz bag instead of the full 20 oz, it was all I found)
2/3 cup milk ( I looked for 1/2 gallons since quarts were literally 5 to 50 cents less)
2 10.75 oz can condensed cheddar cheese soup
4 cups shredded cheddar cheese
NOTE: I didn't price check the salt and pepper since I had full packages of each already
ITEM ALDI Target CUB
Pasta 2 lb $1.98* $2.00** $2.00**
Butter (1 LB) $1.99 $2.79** $2.50**
Chicken (approx 2lb) $5.50*** $11.58**** $9.58*****
Onion (2) $1.69/2lb bag $1.99/lb $0.99/lb#
Mushrooms 1 lb $2.58 $3.58 $3.38
Peas 16 oz $0.95 $1.14 $1.76
Milk 1/2 gal $1.79 see note $2.39 $2.55
cheddar cheese soup (2) N/A $3.18 $3.54
shredded cheddar 4 cups $3.29 $4.58** $5.00**
foil pan for cooking $0.89 $1.89 $2.99
------TOTAL---------- $23.34^ $35.12 $34.29
* penne pasta, others were rotini
** Item was on sale
*** 2.4lb pack $2.29/lb
****$5.79/20 oz package
MILK Aldi did not have skim 1/2 gal, used price for 2%
# sale price yellow onion (red and white ranged $1.29-1.79/lb)
^ total price includes $3.18 cheddar cheese soup from Target
Not much going on lately. I was at the store a couple weeks ago when my cell phone rang. It was the wife of a friend saying they hadn't seen me in a while. They said they were at Applebee's down the road from me if I would like to meet them for appetizers and a beverage. Since I'm always game for eating, I said sure. I was literally right across the street at the time so I said I'll be there in a couple minutes. I got over there and my buddy stood up and yelled 'run for the hills, it's a trap!' He promptly got punched in the arm by his lovely wife. As soon as I took a step closer, I saw what he meant. There was another woman with them. So obviously it was matchmaking, not appetizers that I was invited for. That lasted about 3 minutes. I introduced myself, she stood up and said "I only date guys who are taller than me" I looked up (she had about 3, almost 4 inches on me) and said "when I was a kid, I had beta fish" She looked at me trying to understand, so I said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were talking about things that don't matter" My buddy chuckled, leading to his second slug in the arm and a 'don't encourage him'. The next twenty minutes went pretty much with buddy's wife trying to tell me I need to think about settling down and she's trying to help me, her friend being less than interested, and me hoping the food would get there. It ended with the women leaving, very irritated, and my buddy and I catching up a bit. As we were leaving, he apologized for the set up, saying he tried to talk his wife out of it. I told him it was better for me than him, I was already planning on going to bed by myself.
Fast forward to today and I get an email from another friend telling me I am the least romantic, most stubborn, obstinante, pig headed guy she has ever seen, and that includes her exes, who she thought were in a league of their own. Apparently "so you're saying if this were an Olympic event, I could tell people I was an Olympic Champion?" Wrong answer.
Amy's work sent out an email a while back looking for volunteers for interviewing the homeless so some charitable foundation can apply for funding and planning how to best allocate the funds they do get. She signed up right away, then got a little nervous when it was mentioned there would be volunteers walking through neighborhoods in addition to those working inside the shelters, so she asked if I wanted to go along. I figured it'd be a new experience. Last Thursday we ended up at the Dorothy Day Center in St. Paul. Amy volunteered to go upstairs to the displaced women's section, and I ended up on the main floor. It was an eye opener. In spite of the fact that it was a rather anonymous survey asking many yes/no or 'which of these most closely applies to your situation?' type questions, little by little, a lot of stories came out. What surprised me was how open they were about it, as well as how they really don't seem that much different than me, minus a job and a car. While there were some cases of drugs, alcoholism, and the usual suspects, there were also cases of relationships gone wrong, health issues, job loss, depression. Things that get you thinking about "what is the one difference between them and me that has things going on such completely different paths?" Another surprise was the optimism they had. Almost to the last. I'm not talking pie in the sky "things will turn around and I'll get another house, a full time job and start saving for the future again" type optimism, but the ability to be friendly with a complete stranger asking them questions about how their life got to this point, none of them seemed bitter or resentful. The ability to look at tomorrow and say 'tomorrow is another day' instead of drowning in self pity. The ability to be happy because the $5 they got for the survey meant a pack of cigarettes, or "a good lunch tomorrow, like one of those $5 sandwiches from Subway" Most of their world fits into a backpack or a couple bags, and I come back to my overstuffed apartment filled with things I don't use, stop at the store on the way to work for $7 worth of snacks to get me through until my $5-10 lunch, then drop $23 to top off my gas tank since I was at about half a tank. Kind of an interesting perspective change for a bit.
and though my eyes were open, they might just as well've been closed|
LONG, DRAWN OUT STORY ALERT...TURN BACK NOW OR READ UNTIL YOU FALL ASLEEP
I'm a cynical fool. I may have mentioned it before. I pretty much expect the worst of people. I figure it's better to be occasionally surprised than perpetually disappointed. Sometimes still I find myself thinking maybe I expect too much.
I went to the apple orchard yesterday. Amy's family has been going for years, and she's invited me the last couple of years. It was Amy and I, her sister Andrea, Andrea's children (Veronica and Diego) Veronica and Diego each brought a friend. Diego brought his cousin Oscar, and Veronica brought a schoolmate, Jasmine. Amy and Andrea's mom and their cousin Cierra went along also, and we met a friend of the family there, Lori, and her three year old son Matthew. (Matthew has Downs Syndrome.) I met Amy at her mom's house, and the three of us picked up Cierra. We got to the orchard a bit early, so we drove down the road to Minnesota's biggest candy store. True or not, I don't know, but it was plenty big and a huge variety of neat stuff. I picked up some candy from the 50's and 60's for my dad (Mary Janes, Nik-l-nip, Zagnut, Slo poke, etc) and one for me: a Curly Wurly. Back in my day it was called the marathon bar, but it was pretty much the same thing, caramel drizzled in a loose braided pattern covered in chocolate.
By then it was time to meet the others at the apple orchard. We went back, met up, and got our bags, then went out to the tractor and wagon that would take us to the apples. Matthew fell in love with the tractors. He first got on the kid sized one they had for decoration, then when it was time to get on the big one, he went happily. Then they dropped us off at the first group of trees. Matthew was NOT going to get off the wagon. After a bit of dragging him off, we got him to calm down enough that we went and picked some apples. Matthew started grabbing some of them off the ground, the ones that were rotting, had bites taken, or many worm holes. Amy picked him up and put him on her shoulders trying to get him to pick from the tree. He wasn't into that. Then another tractor drove by pulling a wagon, which caused another meltdown when we didn't get on. His mom sat down and held him and calmed him down, explaining that we would ride the tractor again later. He wanted to get on every tractor and wagon we saw the rest of the time. As we were walking, he would just dart out into the paths without looking, something most 2-3 year olds do anyways, though it seems his retention spans was even shorter than most typical kids that age. After he got too close to the path of another tractor that was driving along, I figured the easiest way to keep him out of harms way was to put him on my shoulders. I grabbed him, hoisted him up, and walked around with him a bit. He seemed to enjoy it, then he'd want down and he'd eat an apple as we all walked along. At one point he took a bite of his apple and then came over and put it in Amy and my bag. His mom told him not to do that, but I told her I have nephews, a niece, and I grew up as the oldest of my cousins, stuff like that doesn't bother me. After a while Amy tried picking him up again to put him on her shoulders, but as she was lifting him, he reached over towards me and held his arms like he wanted me to lift him up. I picked him up and put him on my shoulders again, and they told me he smiled a big smile. We walked around and I'd start marching in time or zig-zagging across the path and he'd smile and react so happily. His mom commented several times how much he was smiling. Eventually our bags were filled and it was time to go back. We got back on one of the wagons and Matthew started pushing away anyone in our group that tried to sit next to him until I got on, then he started patting the seat next to him like he wanted me to sit there. I sat next to him and we talked about apples and tractors until the ride was over. He still didn't want to get off, but I carried him off and Amy and I took the kids to the playground with the slide and the ladder to climb up while the other adults brought the apples to the car. Next we went down the road to get pumpkins. They have wagons you can load the pumpkins in and haul them to the building to pay for them. Matthew crawled in one of the wagons and just sat in it with the pumpkin he picked out, so I figured I'd pull him around a bit. He enjoyed it a lot, and then decided he wanted to pull the wagon with his pumpkin in it. I let him pull and showed him he had to be careful not to run the wagon into the other pumpkins on the ground. By the time he started making the connection, it was time to go.
Next, we went out for a late lunch/early dinner. Again, Matthew wanted me to sit next to him. I sat down and he grabbed my hand and kept poking it, not hard, he just needed to keep touching it. His mom said that's how he reacts to people he likes. We were all talking and having a good time, and he'd reach over and grab my thumb and start poking at it. Then he reached for my fork and knife. His mom apologized and switched my set with hers. Then he tried to grab my water glass. He got a hand on it but I moved it away before he spilled or anything and he was fine, so screaming or crying. His mom told him no and asked if I wanted a different water. I said it was fine. Like I said, I've been around kids, if there is stuff around them outside their reach, it's ALWAYS more interesting than the stuff you actually give them. It's kind of a basic rule, I think it's been true since Cain and Abel. After that he was starting to crash, so Lori decided she should head home and let him fall asleep. As we left the restaurant I hoisted him up for one more shoulder ride and Amy and her cousin Cierra both commented on how big his smile was. I walked him to the car and put him in the car and headed over to Amy and the rest of her family. After the kids played on some of the activities there, we all headed home.
Later last night I started thinking. I must be missing something. His mom seemed awfully apologetic about the things he was doing, like she was used to people getting ready to get on her or Matthew and give her an earful. and all of it was pretty normal kids stuff. Are there really people who get that bent out of shape if a three year old takes a bite of something and then tries to put it back? Or if a kid with Downs Syndrome tries to grab their water glass or fork? I'll give you, if a kid is shooting noxious fluids out of both ends, blowing snot bubbles and hacking up lung cookies,yeah, I'm probably going to keep a bit of a distance and probably not share my drink. But an otherwise healthy kid just being a kid and trying to get to stuff? Does this really bother people so much that it makes them freak out and the mom feel like she has to keep the kid away? If so, humanity just showed me another way I expect too much.
Absolutely gorgeous weather out this weekend. Upper 50's to mid 60's, sunshine, not much wind. I got out for a good walk, and went to a friends for dinner. Saturday during the day I went on a date with someone a friend arranged for me. More on that another day
Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean I'll ever stop caring. Be well.
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